Thursday, May 31, 2018

Striking a Pose on the Grand Canal

Three ages of girls and boys (two couples posing, one couple running)

When roughly 980 of every 1,000 people you encounter in the historic center of Venice is a tourist I must admit that it's sometimes tempting as a resident to try to simply stop seeing them at all: to let your eyes pass over them, or through them, as if they were (to use a phrase that Jack Nicholson claimed the director Michelangelo Antonioni used to describe his vision of actors) "moving space." It's a desperate defensive strategy for residents, employed in the interest of trying to preserve the illusion that, in fact, we are not living in a theme park--in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.

But, of course, it's a strategy that's doomed to fail, as people, regardless of what Antonioni may have wished, are not "moving space." On the contrary, they're quite solid, and in the numbers in which they now teem over the city they impede your progress at nearly every turn.

Besides, even among the overwhelming multitude a few will always manage to distinguish themselves: kids with their liveliness, for example, or the very few among the crowds who express interest in something--anything!--other than the endless array of junk souvenirs, candy, gelato, "Italian delicacies" in convenient travel-sized jars, and take-away fast food that now line the city's calli, and which can easily monopolize a visitor's attention in spite of their best efforts or desire to see something of actual Venice.

Among the most eye-catching and diverting of things that tourists do--at least for me--is when they pose for photos, either alone (for a selfie) or before others. As much as one might imagine that there is a narrow range of conventional poses to choose among, and even when visitors strike the most familiar of poses, there's always a refreshing degree of self-revelation otherwise lost among the crush of humanity stumping through the city.

Paradoxically, it's in these moments of performing for the camera that visitors seem to show something of their truer selves: their sense of humor, or bravado, or romantic ardor, or maybe just their shyness. And at such moments I'm reminded of one of the things I've loved most about living in cities: these seeming glimpses into the lives of others--glimpses that are usually among the first and most human of experiences obliterated by the sheer numbers of mass tourism. But, fortunately, not entirely.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

A Boating Party: from Today's 44th Vogalonga



I didn't manage to photograph the start of this year's Vogalonga, as I've done in prior years, nor the end, which I've never done (but have often thought of doing).

But I did happen to see among the many kinds of boats making their way up the Grand Canal after completing the long course through the north lagoon the particular boat you see above and below.

The rest of the boats I saw were of the sort one always sees during a Vogalonga (though I suspect that each year the number of Venetian-style boats suited to the lagoon and the city's canals is ever more swamped by sculls and sweeps, dragon boats, canoes, kayaks, Lago Como-style river boats, and ever more paddle boards).

Previous years, and bit about the Vogalonga, can be seen here: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013.

But I've never seen anything like the boat pictured here. I don't know if they actually completed the whole 30 km course in this boat, or if it would be very pleasant as a rower to do so, but I certainly wouldn't mind a place at the table.





Monday, May 14, 2018

Bucket List Alert! Now YOU Can Tube Down the Grand Canal!

Enjoy the splendors of Venice as their creators always intended them to be seen: from the water in a large inflatable rubber ring!

See Venice as the great Titian did!*

(*Or at least hypothetically could have, had vulcanized rubber of the sort used in the manufacture of large truck inner tubes been invented during his lifetime, and had the use of such tubes for the purposes of amusement been common in the 16th century.)

All tubes are outfitted with--at no extra charge!--cup holders. And each Venezia Blog Amusements LLC tuber receives a complementary plastic cup of bubbly liquid (which DOC regulations prohibit us from calling "Prosecco," or even "Brut," but which you can call whatever you want)!

For the low low cost of just 150 euros per person, you'll get one full hour of unfettered water-borne freedom, a waterproof map of the city's canals (which will make no sense to you), and a good strong shove out into the Grand Canal by one of the well-trained staff of Venezia Blog Amusements LLC.

Sure, there are other ways for a person with absolutely no knowledge of Venice’s crowded waterways to help clog them up—kayaks, paddle boards, even water bikes. But do you really want to look like a schmuck, paddling or peddling, huffing and puffing? Wouldn’t you rather luxuriate doge-like** (**see note * above) in your own singular experience?

Or explore the city's quiet canals in our galvanized steel group tubs!




Yes, during the scorching hot days of the Venetian summer, while the mass of tourists get footsore pounding the pavement, you'll be kicking back in a refreshing bath of organic and inorganic matter, with a distinctive fragrance somewhat reminiscent of the sulfur springs that wealthy Europeans have frequented since ancient times!

Group packages also available!!!

Imagine forming your own eco-friendly George-Clooney-esque armada of truck tire inner tubes down the Grand Canal to celebrate your wedding in the world's most romantic city!

And nothing creates a stronger esprit de corps among a tourist, family, or corporate group than the shared experience of trying to elude motor traffic, human waste, and the occasional swimming rat in the world's most celebrated "main street"!

Lose yourself in the legendary mystery and allure of Venice!

So what are you waiting for! Reserve your place now to do what even Venetians have never done!

(And know better than to do.)

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DISCLAIMER: All once-in-a-lifetime bucket list adventures involve a degree of risk for which Venezia Blog Amusements LLC explicitly, fully, and unequivocally renounces all responsibility.

Venezia Blog Amusements LLC recommends clients have a full and updated battery of vaccinations (including but not limited to tetanus; hepatitis a, b, and c; diptheria; bubonic plague; etc) prior to undertaking this once-in-a-lifetime experience. It advises against this once-in-a-lifetime experience for pregnant women and those with compromised immune systems.

Venezia Blog Amusements LLC further bears no responsibility for adverse health effects--whether of short or chronic duration, immediate or delayed onset--including but definitely not limited to: sunburn, dizziness, fainting, nausea, vomiting, poisoning, toxic shock, skin rashes (incurable or otherwise and regardless of percentage of body affected), blindness, intestinal parasites, stomach worms, flesh-eating-antibiotic-resistant infections, paralysis, hearing loss (up to and including stone deafness), or loss of digits, toes, limbs or life.

Don't learn about history, MAKE IT!
Experience the ultimate Venice with Venezia Blog Amusements, LLC

[NOTE: This is a satire.]